Sexual tension is part of what makes sex so enjoyable. The ultimate delay is what eventually leads to a gratifying climax. But a lot of men want to last longer in bed, and they may even struggle to control their urge to ejaculate within seconds after starting intercourse. This is understandably frustrating for them and their partner, but the good news is that there are strategies available to make sex more enjoyable. One of them is masturbation.

Yes, it turns out that masturbating isn’t at war with having a partner, as some people believe. In fact, masturbating may be able to help you enjoy sex with your partner even more and delay premature ejaculation

In this article, we’ll explore masturbation benefits, the effect of masturbation on ejaculation, and the role of self-pleasure in sexual wellness.

The Theory Behind Masturbating Before Sex

Some people falsely believe that masturbating before sex will ultimately harm their relationship. This isn’t true; masturbation is a normal, healthy activity that increases self-pleasure and can help you to understand your body better.

While there isn’t any concrete science proving masturbating before sex makes you last longer, it can still have benefits, such as:

• Stress relief
• Self-pleasure
• Getting to know your body
• More frequent orgasms
  

While some people feel that masturbation improves their sex lives, others don’t. It all depends on you and your feelings at the moment. If you want to try it, there’s no harm, but there’s also nothing you’ll lose by not engaging in self-pleasure before sex.

Psychological Impact

Sexual tension plays a significant role in arousal, which ultimately makes sex more enjoyable. It occurs when there is a sexual desire between people but no activity takes place [1]. The real impact of sexual tension is what takes place before intimacy. Before you’ve ever touched someone, the desire to be physically intimate with them fuels your interactions and can make the act of being together more enjoyable.

Masturbating before sex when there is already a good deal of sexual tension may lessen your arousal when it’s time to actually be intimate. This is due to what is known as a refractory period, or the amount of time it takes for your body to recover after climax.

Have you ever tried to have sex multiple times only to find that you couldn’t get aroused? Sensations may have felt rough and irritating instead of pleasurable. This is because your body needs time after orgasm to reach its healthy baseline.

Can Masturbating Before Sex Affect Your Performance?

Masturbation can have positive or negative effects depending on the individual. Some people with longer refractory periods may not be able to get aroused and climax during intercourse if they masturbate too close to sex.

Another aspect is the mental component; people who get sexual release through masturbation may not have the same desire to follow up with sex. They may also find themselves less mentally engaged during intimacy or struggle with erectile dysfunction or never reach climax.

Remember that it all varies from person to person. There could be a psychological effect that makes you feel you perform better after masturbating. At the same time, you may feel masturbating before sex hinders your sexual performance. You have to listen to your body and do what works for you.

Understanding the Refractory Period

To better understand the impact of masturbation on sexual performance, let’s look closer at the refractory period. When you have sex with someone, arousal begins before you make contact.

You will experience physical and psychological symptoms that include increased heart rate, faster breathing, muscle tension, and higher blood pressure. These signs are linked to the sexual response cycle, which happens before, during, and after sexual activity [3].

The sexual response cycle works in four stages:

1. Desire (excitement and libido increase your desire to have sex)
2. Arousal (the plateau period in which you are engaging in sexual activity and reaching a point of climax)
3. Climax/orgasm (sexual release through ejaculation)
4. Resolution

The resolution stage includes the refractory period, where your body recovers from the excitement and arousal and returns to a resting state. It’s important to know that every stage unfolds differently for people; it’s why some individuals require a great deal of foreplay to experience desire and arousal while others can get turned on quickly.

The same goes for orgasms; some people reach climax quickly — so fast that they don’t enjoy the experience as much as they could have if they had been able to last longer. It’s also rare for both partners to orgasm at the same time. This is why finding a balance and engaging with each other at a pace that works for both of you is important.

Tying this back into masturbation, you may find that self-pleasure before intimacy makes it easier for you to control the urge to ejaculate quickly. There is no evidence that masturbating before sex delays ejaculation, but you can always try it and find out if it benefits you.

Alternatives to Masturbating Before Sex

Masturbation before sex may be more effective if it’s done mindfully. Mindful masturbation is about self-pleasuring while being highly in tune with your physical and emotional state. You will focus on the sensations and movements together, and how they make you feel. This encourages you to derive pleasure from the act itself rather than focusing solely on achieving an orgasm.

Learning how to masturbate mindfully could help you enjoy sex with a partner more, too. Because you’ll be able to focus on the sensations and feelings of the moment, your mind will be less laser-focused on climaxing. This can ultimately help delay ejaculation by allowing you to experience pleasure from the act of being intimate, not just reaching the end.

Other techniques to delay ejaculation include:

• Engage in romantic foreplay by setting the scene
• Experiment with different pressures and speeds to enjoy the moment more
• Take time to explore your partner’s body
• Practice breathing techniques during intimacy to control ejaculation
• Try the start-stop technique, pleasuring to reach climax, waiting, then returning to last longer
• Using premature ejaculation wipes or sprays

What Is Mindful Masturbation?

Mindful masturbation combines the physical act of self-pleasure with the mental focus of mindfulness. Instead of having expectations (e.g. the need to have an orgasm), you pay more attention to your bodily sensations throughout the process. Pay attention to how your breathing and heart rate change at different periods of the masturbation process. When do you feel yourself reaching climax, and what signs signal that you’re about to orgasm? Knowing this information can help you pace yourself better in the bedroom and last longer with a partner.

You can also learn through mindful masturbation how to touch yourself in ways that feel good without necessarily having to be about climaxing. So many men go into sex with the idea the main goal is to climax, but this isn’t true. Learning how to appreciate every part of a sexual encounter can help you in overcoming premature ejaculation.

When to Worry About Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is common and doesn’t always indicate a problem. However, if it is persistent and gets in the way of you enjoying sex with a partner, you may want to speak with a doctor or therapist.

The average time it takes for a man to have an orgasm is five to seven minutes. If you’re in this range, then you’re already like the majority. Premature ejaculation occurs when you climax sooner than desired, often in one to three minutes after penetration [3

You may want to speak with a professional if:

• You always orgasm in 30 seconds to 3 minutes after starting a sexual activity
• You struggle to delay ejaculation during any sexual activity
• You feel distressed, frustrated or embarrassed about premature ejaculation
• You feel more anxious during sex and are struggling with erectile dysfunction (ED) as a result
• You’re avoiding sexual encounters because you don’t want to ejaculate too soon

Psychological and Biological Causes

There are various cases of premature ejaculation, including:

• Lack of Sexual Experience: Men and individuals assigned male at birth can struggle to control their ejaculations when they are new to sexual activities. They may gain control over time, and it can be helpful to work with a partner on taking things slow and learning how to build up to an orgasm.
• Anxiety or Stress: Anyone dealing with anxiety may struggle with PE or ED. Worrying about ejaculating too soon may actually cause it to happen. It’s important to get your head in the right space before engaging in sex.
• Guilt or Shame: Struggling with sexual shame or guilt about sexual activity could cause you to rush to ejaculate, even if you don’t want to.
• Relationship Troubles: If your relationship is struggling, then you may feel out of sync with your partner and even rush through sex subconsciously. This can cause you to ejaculate too early, which then leads to more frustration, guilt, and anxiety.
• Hormonal Imbalance: Having imbalanced hormones may cause you to suffer with sexual performance; consider asking your doctor about running a panel and getting your levels checked.
• Hypothyroidism: An underactive thyroid may also lead to early ejaculation [4].
• Prostate and Pelvic Issues: Prostatitis, chronic pelvic pain syndrome (CPPS), and prostatodynia are associated with sexual dysfunction, including ED, PE, and painful ejaculation [5].

Professional Help for Premature Ejaculation

If premature ejaculation is a persistent issue in your life, then it could be helpful to speak with a doctor. Medical professionals can help discuss your symptoms and uncover the root cause to recommend personalized treatment plans.

You should also see a doctor if your premature ejaculation is accompanied by any pain or you also experience erectile dysfunction.

Techniques to Make Sex Last Longer

Lasting longer in the bedroom is a challenge for many men, but luckily, there are plenty of techniques out there that can help you pace yourself and enjoy sex for longer. Here are some of the best ways to avoid reaching climax too early:

• Wear a condom. Thicker condoms are especially helpful because they reduce the sensation on the penis, ultimately allowing you to go for longer.
• Deep breathing. Using diaphragmatic breaths can help you slow down, focus, and enjoy your experience more.
• Partner on top position. By having your partner on top, you can focus on the sensations of sex more, which can give you greater mental focus to avoid climaxing before you’re ready to.
• Try different positions. The sex positions that offer the most stimulation right away may not be best; they can cause you to ejaculate early and leave you and your partner frustrated with a lackluster experience. Instead, consider trying different poses that allow you to explore one another’s bodies and enjoy being together. Vary it up with speed, pressure, and intensity to find what works best for you both.
• Take breaks. Taking breaks from sexual activity can help you improve intimacy in your relationship and possibly improve your time in bed, too.

The Stop-Start Technique

The stop-start strategy involves receiving pleasure right until you start to feel yourself reach the point of no return. You should stop here, slow down, and then resume once you feel the feeling start to fade. Doing this a few times can help you last longer and potentially experience a more powerful orgasm, too.

Pelvic Floor Exercises

Pelvic floor exercises for PE can help strengthen the muscles that control your bowel, bladder, and sexual function. These exercises are simple and easy to do, and they can help you delay ejaculation. To perform them, you only need to find the muscles and tighten them intermittently.

The easiest way to activate your pelvic floor muscles is to imagine stopping a flow of urine or preventing yourself from passing gas. Many people find it easiest to do this lying down.

You should perform these tightening exercises — called Kegels — at least 10 times per day for the maximum benefit [6].

Conclusion

Masturbating before sex could help you delay ejaculation, but there’s no clinical evidence to support masturbation as a treatment for premature ejaculation. It’s also important to know how long you last may not be a sign of a problem — five to seven minutes is the typical range for most men.

If you do have issues with how long you last in bed, you can always reach out to a men’s health doctor to discuss your issue. There may be a treatable underlying cause.

References

1. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-sexual-tension-and-is-it-healthy-5191220
2. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9119-sexual-response-cycle
3. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ejaculation/symptoms-causes/syc-20354900
4. https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/womens-health/2019/january/how-thyroid-problems-might-be-hurting-your-sex-life#:~:text=Premature%20ejaculation%2C%20on%20the%20other,the%20chance%20of%20premature%20ejaculation
5. https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/womens-health/2019/january/how-thyroid-problems-might-be-hurting-your-sex-life#:~:text=Premature%20ejaculation%2C%20on%20the%20other,the%20chance%20of%20premature%20ejaculation
6. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ejaculation/diagnosis-treatment/drc-2035490

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